Birthday musings.
Thoughts on celebrating another year
October 25, 2024
I might be another year older but I still get giddy when driving through the car wash watching the way the bubbles slide down the windshield. I still jam and rock my head to early 1990’s - 2000’s 3LW- TLC-Britney Spears-Matchbox Twenty- Avril Lavegne-Celine Dion-Sean Kingston-Backstreet Boys- S Club-Bryan Adams type music in between stop lights when running errands. When I bring my daughter to the park, I still hang on monkey bars, go as high as I can on the swings and glide down the slides whoo-whoo-whoo-ing with my hands in the air. I still learn new things everyday. This week I got so jealous reading all the reviews for my mom’s restaurant that I was encouraged to finally learn how to make a large pot of pho ga especially now that I don’t live near my mom anymore. Watching the way Zach picked up the bowl to slurp up the rest of the broth and the way my daughter got lost in her own world while eating it then jumping up and down shouting “pho ga” again the next morning; was my biggest accomplishment this week. Next I’m learning how to make fresh pasta and sourdough bread. I still take risks and sometimes I fail only now I’m not doing it alone. I have a lifetime partner to share every agony with who makes the heavy days feel lighter. I still stick up for people and say what needs to be said when it needs to be said, kindly. I still appreciate hugs from my mom and forehead kisses from my dad. I still wonder. I still wonder about God and His creations, about who I am, why I’m here, what am I to do, what am I not to do. I don’t think I’ll ever stop asking these internal questions that make this quest of life so much more of a grand and meaningful adventure. I still love to sing and hum. I hum when I cook, when I pee, when I’m driving. I still love to smile; one day as I was getting my daughter out the car, a city landscaper said my big smile made his day along with “that smile is architecturally impossible”. It’s heartwarming to know that something so simple can brighten those around us. I still have temper tantrums, I still get angry, sad, mad, upset. The only difference is now I have the tools to regulate my nervous system and teach the mind/body/brain new ways of being. I still make mistakes only now I don’t feel shame or guilt about them. I heed to the lesson and I move on. I still don’t take the best care of my skin. It’s taken me until 3 weeks ago to become more consistent with a skincare routine, and I have to say, I’m really enjoying it so far.
What I love the most about birthdays is the opportunity to reflect on who we’ve been, who we are and who we’re becoming. The most beautiful part about growing another year is that we get to carry every year, every version of who we’ve ever been with us. Every part of it is in the make up of who we are in this present moment. No age, no relationship, no interaction, no happenstance, no scenario, no time has ever been lost, mistaken or forsaken.
It all matters.
Every year, every version, every age, 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 — it lives with us.
It shapes us.
And it will forever be apart of the human we are.
I always try to remind myself that I’m holding space for all of me to show up into this present moment. Instead of focusing on new achievements to run towards and losing sight of how far we’ve come in our own evolution — it’s important to honor and acknowledge the younger parts of ourselves. To learn to respond to them and most importantly, to see them. A simple example of that is turning on the music you used to dance to as a kid and jamming at the stoplight no matter who is watching. So many times, we suppress these urges because we get in our heads about who we need to be instead. How we need to portray maturity and professionalism, how we have to fit into such an identity that protects our ego but hurts our hearts. Sometimes it’s enriching to just let go of all of that, and be the kid that still lives within you.
One of the most important things I’ve learned in life is that beauty cannot exist without contrast. It’s in our life experiences, all the moments we’ve gone through, all the versions we were, no matter how dark or painful that teaches us the magnitude of joy and life. I have learned that if there’s anything that can transcend space and time, that can outlive my generation and the ones after me far after I’m gone, is love and only love.
If I can pass more love around, through my way of being, I will know that I am living in my life’s purpose.
Life is a dance that can end at any moment — and that alone is a glaring reminder of the limited time we have.
Today and every birthday, I get to embrace all of it and be so incredibly grateful for everyone and everything that comes along with it.
I am so grateful for this space and look forward to honing in on more writing this year. What a fun experiment it is to reveal more parts of who we are through words. Allowing God to use my heart, my human experience, and the wisdom inside to guide what I write and how it shows up.
Thank you for being a part of my journey.
Warmly,
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