A running list of things to make peace with this year
Focusing on things outside of your control is like trying to calm a raging hurricane with your bare hands. It’s impossible and if you try, it will suck you in, swallow you up and spit you out. You cannot control the outer world but you can always control how you respond to it. You can control how much attention you give it. You can re-direct your attention inward and learn to skillfully transform your emotions into useful and creative energy.
Your purpose is not finite. It grows as you grow. It evolves as you evolves. You can find your purpose and you can re-discover it all over again with a whole new set of eyes. I thought I found my purpose in life but my purpose has deepened as I’ve become a mother. I see life through whole new lenses, whole new perspectives. Your purpose does not have to be big, bold or daring. Your purpose can be small and subtle, soft and quiet, gentle and calm. Your purpose can be meaningful— not in the way it is to society but in the way it feels to you. Pay attention to where your eyes widen, your heart warms up and your energy expands — what lights you up will always reveal to you what’s most important to you.
People change—not because they want to but because they are supposed to. Accept that everything changes and learn to love people for who they are versus the version of them that you liked the most just because it made you more comfortable.
You do not have to have it all figured out. Breaking news — none of us have it figured out and if we did have everything figured out, it would be the thief of life itself. We will always be "figur-ing” it out as long as we’re here. That’s why we crave knowledge and learning new things. But even knowledge has its limitations. Sometimes the more we know — we realize the less we know. But if instead, we seek wisdom, we will swim in a bottomless well of love that has traveled through many ages and who’s waters will never run dry. Everything can be figured out eventually but give yourself grace to figure it out the same way a baby learns to crawl and walk — one step at a time.
Your expectations of life and people will not always be met. Not everything will unfold that way you expected it to and that’s okay. It’s okay to release expectations in exchange for open-ness and curiosity. Curiosity is the birthplace of adventure. When you seek to be curious about any situation or any person, you learn and grow because of it. It opens your mind to new possibilities and helps you to see the world through different perspectives.
There is no one doing it all without heavy sacrifices in other areasl.
You are worth forgiving. Forgive who you used to be to make space for who you are becoming. Forgive what you didn’t know. Forgive what you didn’t understand because you simply did not have the capacity to. Understand that we make decisions with what we know and the experiences we’ve had. Sometimes those experiences are limited. It takes living through more experiences to learn the lessons. What’s more important is that you grow from them— that you make conscious choices to transform them. That you show up visibly differently than you did in the past. In forgiving yourself, you release incredible emotional energy to invest in your creativity and goals that propel you forward. In forgiving yourself, you will forgive others with more ease. You will let go of the grudge or the anger because you realize that they too, only did as they know.
You will never be everything to everyone. It is an impossible task to please everyone and when you can accept this and truly show up as you are, you will disappoint people. But it is not your job make everyone happy while diluting your own happiness.
Your past is a place to visit to inform you as you’re growing but it’s not a healthy place to dwell in. Let go of stories of what should have or could have been. Make peace with where you are right now. All roads lead you to exactly where you’re meant to be for a reason. You may not understand it or see it clearly now but one day, you will look back and it will all make sense in ways you would’ve never imagined.
Self-doubt is an inevitable part of our growth and evolution but it doesn’t mean it has to hold us back. Doubt can inform us where we need to nurture our attention. If we doubt something about ourselves, it’s because we haven’t given that particular area enough of our attention. Once we give it our attention and seek to understand where the doubt comes from, we will realize doubt is only reflection of our deep-rooted fears, a temporary illusory cloud that fogs the clarity of our true potential. The more we seek to understand ourselves and our fears, the more courage we will grow to trust ourselves.
It’s okay to grow out of spaces and places that no longer feel like home. Home can be spaces that make your heart feel the most whole. If you no longer feel whole from where you are standing, if you feel as though the ground is shaking beneath you, it’s okay to grow into new spaces that honor who you are in the present moment.
Self-care isn’t about how long you were able to meditate for this year or how many hot baths you soaked your body in. Self-care is about being self-aware. Aware of the changes from one moment to the next and learning how to respond to them in the present moment.
What hurts you, informs you — a loving reminder from a dear teacher that pain is a messenger. It tells us areas in life we have been ignoring that is calling for our attention. If you have been feeling pain, what is the pain instructing you that you might be missing because you were too busy keeping your mind too busy?
Comparison is a trap. It dims your own unique light, convinces you that you must measure up to someone else's path instead of honoring your own. It strips away your joy and keeps you in the past or the future. If you can be present long enough, you may come to realize what a spectacular, miraculous, existence your life and experiences truly are! Let go of comparing your timeline to the person next to you — trust in the unfolding of your path and let life happen in it’s own timing.
Vulnerability is the birth place of connection, joy and love. It gives us the courage to show up as our true selves, to embrace uncertainty and flaws without the guarantee of what the outcome is going to look like.
People will always see their version of you through their own perception which has been filtered by their own experiences — who they think you are is not your responsibility as much as you think it is.
It’s okay to feel like you are stuck in the muddy messy middle of life. Not every phase of life is supposed to feel like progress or growth and yet, it’s all part of the process. Every season of life comes with its own rhythm and its own healing. You are never as stuck as you think you are. Sometimes God puts us in places that make us feel stuck or frozen in time so we can use it as an opportunity to reflect on the wisdom He is trying to reveal to us. Sometimes when we are too busy distracting ourselves, God creates seasons of messy middles so we can sit in what we’re avoiding a little longer until we feel it in our bones that it’s times to make a change and reach the point of true transformation. Sometimes when we plant a seed in a ground, we may not see any growth for weeks or months. We may think it’s just stuck there or not working or it’s dead. And yet, the seed has been growing roots in the dark— strengthening itself before it breaks through the dirt. Stuck is not a prison — it’s a season. It will come and it will go.
I hope no matter what season of life you’re in, that you can make peace with all the parts of you that you struggle embrace and I pray you learn to embrace. I pray that each day brings you new lessons and new opportunities to know and love yourself better.
If peace is something you are prioritizing going in the New Year, hope the writing today gave you more opportunities to create it.
Warmly,
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