When I was a child, I wanted so badly to become a teen. When I became a teen, I dreamt of being a 21 year old. And when I turned 21, my life suddenly flashed before my mind could even grasp it. Now having just turned 24, I sit in reflection realizing that I spent the majority of my life wishing to be somewhere I was not.
Constantly wanting to be a little older, assuming the role of an adult over the role of a child and rarely ever, did I let that kiddie heart be childish. If there are any regrets, it’s that I never truly allowed myself to just be a kid. And that makes me wonder! At what point in our lives can we just choose to Be? Just breathe..Just let go… Just be.. No more thoughts projecting “what if’s” into the future and no more thoughts dwelling on the burdens of our past.
I’ve noticed that this stream of “wishing to be somewhere or someone we are not” happens when we do not recognize who we truly are, our essential nature, known in the ancient spiritual language sanskrit called Brahman. When we do not seek to experiment with our higher Being, we are allowing our ego to take control of the wheel and usually when that happens, we live day by day by day with our minds on auto pilot; living to exist versus living because of PURPOSE.
For the first time, Today I am proud to be right where I am. Present. Engaged in the moment, with my mind one pointed on what’s in front of me. Many times it’s easy to forget that it is being present in today, that brings us to the experiences of tomorrow.
Back then, I realized that it was easy to wish on being somewhere else in the future because I didn’t have reason to be in engaged in the moment of where I was. When we do not find our reason or our purpose, it is easy for the mind to drift into the waves of society, like herd animals. My reason today, and my full purpose is because through the practice of meditation and yoga science, I now know, in every hour of every moment, I. am. not. alone. How beautiful that is.
There is a driving force behind that works with me in every action that I take. That driving force while giving me the push I need to fulfill my purpose is at the same time, reminding me that no fruits of action taken on this earth belongs to me.
(And what a relief that is.)
With my mind coordinated in the practice of yoga, I am given the tools I need everyday to intentionally and purposefully FULFILL every moment from the time I rise til’ the time I rest the body at night.
As much as I have toyed with the thought of freezing this age and time, (now not wanting to get older), I know I must practice to let myself go everyday. Detachment is love and “you can only lose what you cling to”.
Everyday, I shed my old self and everyday I become more closer to the everlasting source of what is within me, the vastness of this Universe. Every sacrifice, every lesson, every stroke of pain, every experience and every moment brought me to Here.
Like the seed of a plant, it’s form must die in order for it to flourish and sprout.
We are here not only to find and fulfill the purpose of our lives but to flourish to it, to grow to it. The more seeds we crush, the more beautiful the garden of love in our hearts will be. Everyday I choose to accept myself, nourish myself, love myself and at the end of it all, simply loosen the grip to let myself go.
My teacher, Leonard Perlmutter, tells us that we have come from the Ocean and ultimately, we will return to the ocean. In our last class, Leonard mentioned something that I know I will carry with me for the rest of my life.
He said “the seed of Truth or satya yuga is alive even in kali yuga (a time of tragedy and violence). The point and
the question is, ARE YOU KEEPING IT ALIVE?
Are you keeping Truth alive?
In your every action, your every thought, your every speech?”
With this, I will wake up to ask myself that question everyday.
Am I keeping Truth alive?
Who Am I?
Who Am I?
And after I ask myself that question, I will cleanse the mirror of my buddhi (conscience) so that it can continue to perform at its utmost level. I will withdraw the manas from desires that do me no good. And I will purify the ahamkara (ego) to always align its intelligence with the Oneness of the Lord.
Who Am I?
Where am I from?
And where am I going?
And He whispers,
You are the wave of Sat, Chit, Ananda. Never forget that one wave is the movement of an entire ocean.